Willed Self-Change
How do I go about changing myself in my day-to-day life? What are the many techniques I have used in the past, and can use in the future?
From around the age of 7 up until my late teens I hated the way that I looked. My physical appearance did not match my internal image of myself, and the discrepancy was a source of pain. What I saw in the mirror did not convey the sense of power I felt within me. I was too thin, and my arms were too puny. Worst of all, my hair was curly and wild and, having a “mind” of its own, refused to bend to my will. As a physical / visual part of myself that I could not control, I experienced my hair as a source of shame and weakness.
I set out to change the way I looked, or, in another way of putting it, I set out to bring my physical reality into closer alignment with my Subjective Universe self-image. I lifted weights and drank protein drinks. I studied and practiced martial arts (Ju-Jitsu) to gain a better control of my body, and to gain a physical self-confidence I had been lacking. Eventually I shaved my head to rid myself of the hair problem once and for all, and I have not missed a disobedient strand of it to this day. Now when I look in the mirror, I see a physical reality that I am not only very happy with, but proud of. My physical self-alignment was achieved. I often laugh with my reflection, for we share a joke amongst ourselves.
There are many different ways to define “being comfortable in one’s own skin”, and all of them are important. I have been at home in my body for so long now that my memory of it as a source of pain is somewhat shocking to me.
That was an example of causing an Objective universe change to more accurately reflect a Subjective Universe valuation. Now I will give an example of a way I have worked, and continue to work, GBM outside of the ritual chamber.
I form an ideal of what I want to become, and work towards becoming it. This ideal usually comes in the form of a person that I admire, and who exhibits traits and abilities I want to cultivate in myself. This approach to self-change is often called “hero worship”, which in its crudest stage involves sheer imitation. This stage is important, however, for trying out different personas, particularly in your younger years, can introduce you to a versatility of the psyche that you might not otherwise have been aware of. It can also aid you in your attempt to awaken and strengthen certain psychic capacities and qualities that are necessary to make the persona work. Besides, trying to be what you are Not can be a very effective way of discovering what you Are.
Discounting my childhood fascination with Gandalf and Sauron from the “Lord of the Rings”, my interest in becoming a Magician began, like so many others, with my reading about Aleister Crowley. It was the Mysterious image that did it, for I was given just enough information to incite my imagination, but not enough to limit it. I saw the infamous bald-headed picture. I read about his sinister reputation, his ritual and sexual magick, his proclamation of “Do What Thou Wilt is the Whole of the Law”, his mountain climbing, his attempts to make himself vanish in a mirror, etc. The image I formed was one of intellectual, artistic, and spiritual virility, a boundary-crossing adventurer and sorcerer. How exciting and appealing!
Regardless of how much or how little this image fit with the real Crowley, I did not know the man. How much can I really know anyone? The elements of my image of him, and the particular power of those elements, came entirely from within me. What I saw in the Mysterious image were qualities I wanted to bring forth in myself; qualities I might never have become truly conscious of without an effective Objective universe representation to reflect them back at me.
I slowly became aware that this has been the essential process at work in all instances of my “hero worship”, and that the magical potency I see in those I idealize is a projection of the potential Higher Self within me that is attempting to Become thru the image of the hero that I form.
Armed with this increased knowledge, I now attempt to consciously apprehend and abstract the qualities I admire in my “heroes”, and weave them into the image of my Higher Self, which now becomes my true Hero, and a motive symbol that I hold before me at all times, attempting to manifest it in my flesh and blood as a living reality. I hero worship my image of my Higher Self, and try to do as “He” does. In so doing, I change myself according to my own self-discovered, self-formulated standard that I used to unconsciously project onto other people.
From this point I do whatever it takes to align myself with the image of my Higher Self. If this involves joining the Temple of Set and practicing the art and science of Black Magic, I do it. If it involves acquiring new skills, getting a new job, ending and beginning relationships, going back to school to earn a degree, writing more skillfully, practicing meditation to better focus my mind at will, going on a strange adventure, doing what I normally would not do, or doing something I have always wanted to do but was afraid to - I do it.
Self-observation is fundamental to acquiring self-knowledge, which is itself fundamental to causing willed self-change. I have become aware that over the past couple of years I have developed a bad habit of rushing thru certain tasks, which causes mistakes and frustration. I notice when I do this, and then deliberately slow myself down and relax. I also have a periodically recurring bout with obsessive-compulsiveness – opening and shutting doors numerous times until it “feels right”, etc. – and have noticed that this habit always occurs in association with a mood that is good on the surface, but subconsciously troubled by a feeling of possible doom that floats under the surface. I am having progress in stopping these habits simply by becoming conscious of them when they begin. I think “you are doing it again”, and then I can stop. I try to focus on what might be the source of unconscious stress, and attempt to bring it to the surface. As I become more conscious of myself, I change myself.
The only way I can cause true self-change is to become progressively more aware of myself, enter deeper into my own Mysteries, slay my delusions, and bring more of my Greater Psyche into conscious Being.
Reyn til Runa
Xeper and Remanifest
-Werbinox
From around the age of 7 up until my late teens I hated the way that I looked. My physical appearance did not match my internal image of myself, and the discrepancy was a source of pain. What I saw in the mirror did not convey the sense of power I felt within me. I was too thin, and my arms were too puny. Worst of all, my hair was curly and wild and, having a “mind” of its own, refused to bend to my will. As a physical / visual part of myself that I could not control, I experienced my hair as a source of shame and weakness.
I set out to change the way I looked, or, in another way of putting it, I set out to bring my physical reality into closer alignment with my Subjective Universe self-image. I lifted weights and drank protein drinks. I studied and practiced martial arts (Ju-Jitsu) to gain a better control of my body, and to gain a physical self-confidence I had been lacking. Eventually I shaved my head to rid myself of the hair problem once and for all, and I have not missed a disobedient strand of it to this day. Now when I look in the mirror, I see a physical reality that I am not only very happy with, but proud of. My physical self-alignment was achieved. I often laugh with my reflection, for we share a joke amongst ourselves.
There are many different ways to define “being comfortable in one’s own skin”, and all of them are important. I have been at home in my body for so long now that my memory of it as a source of pain is somewhat shocking to me.
That was an example of causing an Objective universe change to more accurately reflect a Subjective Universe valuation. Now I will give an example of a way I have worked, and continue to work, GBM outside of the ritual chamber.
I form an ideal of what I want to become, and work towards becoming it. This ideal usually comes in the form of a person that I admire, and who exhibits traits and abilities I want to cultivate in myself. This approach to self-change is often called “hero worship”, which in its crudest stage involves sheer imitation. This stage is important, however, for trying out different personas, particularly in your younger years, can introduce you to a versatility of the psyche that you might not otherwise have been aware of. It can also aid you in your attempt to awaken and strengthen certain psychic capacities and qualities that are necessary to make the persona work. Besides, trying to be what you are Not can be a very effective way of discovering what you Are.
Discounting my childhood fascination with Gandalf and Sauron from the “Lord of the Rings”, my interest in becoming a Magician began, like so many others, with my reading about Aleister Crowley. It was the Mysterious image that did it, for I was given just enough information to incite my imagination, but not enough to limit it. I saw the infamous bald-headed picture. I read about his sinister reputation, his ritual and sexual magick, his proclamation of “Do What Thou Wilt is the Whole of the Law”, his mountain climbing, his attempts to make himself vanish in a mirror, etc. The image I formed was one of intellectual, artistic, and spiritual virility, a boundary-crossing adventurer and sorcerer. How exciting and appealing!
Regardless of how much or how little this image fit with the real Crowley, I did not know the man. How much can I really know anyone? The elements of my image of him, and the particular power of those elements, came entirely from within me. What I saw in the Mysterious image were qualities I wanted to bring forth in myself; qualities I might never have become truly conscious of without an effective Objective universe representation to reflect them back at me.
I slowly became aware that this has been the essential process at work in all instances of my “hero worship”, and that the magical potency I see in those I idealize is a projection of the potential Higher Self within me that is attempting to Become thru the image of the hero that I form.
Armed with this increased knowledge, I now attempt to consciously apprehend and abstract the qualities I admire in my “heroes”, and weave them into the image of my Higher Self, which now becomes my true Hero, and a motive symbol that I hold before me at all times, attempting to manifest it in my flesh and blood as a living reality. I hero worship my image of my Higher Self, and try to do as “He” does. In so doing, I change myself according to my own self-discovered, self-formulated standard that I used to unconsciously project onto other people.
From this point I do whatever it takes to align myself with the image of my Higher Self. If this involves joining the Temple of Set and practicing the art and science of Black Magic, I do it. If it involves acquiring new skills, getting a new job, ending and beginning relationships, going back to school to earn a degree, writing more skillfully, practicing meditation to better focus my mind at will, going on a strange adventure, doing what I normally would not do, or doing something I have always wanted to do but was afraid to - I do it.
Self-observation is fundamental to acquiring self-knowledge, which is itself fundamental to causing willed self-change. I have become aware that over the past couple of years I have developed a bad habit of rushing thru certain tasks, which causes mistakes and frustration. I notice when I do this, and then deliberately slow myself down and relax. I also have a periodically recurring bout with obsessive-compulsiveness – opening and shutting doors numerous times until it “feels right”, etc. – and have noticed that this habit always occurs in association with a mood that is good on the surface, but subconsciously troubled by a feeling of possible doom that floats under the surface. I am having progress in stopping these habits simply by becoming conscious of them when they begin. I think “you are doing it again”, and then I can stop. I try to focus on what might be the source of unconscious stress, and attempt to bring it to the surface. As I become more conscious of myself, I change myself.
The only way I can cause true self-change is to become progressively more aware of myself, enter deeper into my own Mysteries, slay my delusions, and bring more of my Greater Psyche into conscious Being.
Reyn til Runa
Xeper and Remanifest
-Werbinox
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home