New Doors
I am in the midst of the most exhilarating, wrenching, challenging, rewarding time of my life. Right where I want to be!
I have plunged quite deep into D&S/S&M. I am "personal property" of my dominant Mistress (Ms. Ann) a woman who I am totally in love with (despite the fact that she is married and in an open relationship like myself...it is strange and difficult, and not so strange and difficult at the same time) I have been cuffed to an iron cross, flogged, caned, candle-waxed, stuck with needles, fire-cupped, and all sorts of things you probably want nothing to do with. I have had out of body visionary experiences during some of these episodes. My pain tolerance is growing. I love all of this! Endorphin / dopamine rushes are the most powerful mind altering experiences. No drugs or alcohol are done at these things (they do not mix with the control that is neccessary) and we go all night into other realms. This is the pulse of life for me. Along with this goes the most intense trust I have ever placed in another human being. Such trust is not possible without love. This was the missing ingrediant in my former view of these things. From the outside, S&M looked purposefully degrading and brutal (and that can be an aspect for those who seek it) but I discovered for myself that Love is the magic ingrediant: awesome trust, liking the person you commit to (being friends) and even falling in love. A heady mixture. Ann turns out to be a soul mate. We have the greatest time together, and when we play, we play hard. Hell yeah! This is exactly what I sought to bring about in my life, and I did it. I am on this ride for good.
Last Saturday night I saw a demo, a black leather "body bag" attached to an industrial vacuum hose. A tiny little hole for the nose and mouth, breathing thru a plastic tube. The participant is zipped into the bag. The hose is turned on, and all the air is sucked out. Total mummification! No movement. Only breathing, while others touch you thru the leather in your immobile state. It looked like "gitmo" type shit! I volunteered to try it and - hidden trigger! As the bag was zipped up I lay there, mouth and nose only thru the hole. It was hot. Cant see or hear. Panick! Couldnt breathe. I called a halt. Ann poked her head into the bag and said "this isnt a competition, ya know!" The woman doing the demo told me "if you're having issues already, you dont want to do this." I didnt do it. My first refusal. It is great to discover these limits in myself, and to be a part of a scene of people pushing themselves to the limits of adventure. To do it all as the "boy" to a sexy mistress and woman I love is the best part.
Heather and I remain best friends. We tell each other "I love you" every day, and mean it, but she does her thing (World of Warcraft) and I go off and do mine. We support each other financially and emotionally, and do our own separate things. Because of this I can stay out all weekend with Ann, and come home Sunday night without any bad vibes. It is how we want it right now.
As old doors close, new doors open. This simply means that for energy to continue to live, it must transfer and re-route. It snakes out of a past into the present, and must continue forward into new channells that you open and direct to the best extent you are able. No walling it up or stopping it, unless it is to sink into a well. My new doors are almost always in front of me, so much so I see them a few years before I actually reach them.
I have finished my novel "Challenge the Yumocha" and am actively seeking an agent and / or publisher. I collect my many rejections as badges of honor (signs that I am doing the work)
How are you?
I have plunged quite deep into D&S/S&M. I am "personal property" of my dominant Mistress (Ms. Ann) a woman who I am totally in love with (despite the fact that she is married and in an open relationship like myself...it is strange and difficult, and not so strange and difficult at the same time) I have been cuffed to an iron cross, flogged, caned, candle-waxed, stuck with needles, fire-cupped, and all sorts of things you probably want nothing to do with. I have had out of body visionary experiences during some of these episodes. My pain tolerance is growing. I love all of this! Endorphin / dopamine rushes are the most powerful mind altering experiences. No drugs or alcohol are done at these things (they do not mix with the control that is neccessary) and we go all night into other realms. This is the pulse of life for me. Along with this goes the most intense trust I have ever placed in another human being. Such trust is not possible without love. This was the missing ingrediant in my former view of these things. From the outside, S&M looked purposefully degrading and brutal (and that can be an aspect for those who seek it) but I discovered for myself that Love is the magic ingrediant: awesome trust, liking the person you commit to (being friends) and even falling in love. A heady mixture. Ann turns out to be a soul mate. We have the greatest time together, and when we play, we play hard. Hell yeah! This is exactly what I sought to bring about in my life, and I did it. I am on this ride for good.
Last Saturday night I saw a demo, a black leather "body bag" attached to an industrial vacuum hose. A tiny little hole for the nose and mouth, breathing thru a plastic tube. The participant is zipped into the bag. The hose is turned on, and all the air is sucked out. Total mummification! No movement. Only breathing, while others touch you thru the leather in your immobile state. It looked like "gitmo" type shit! I volunteered to try it and - hidden trigger! As the bag was zipped up I lay there, mouth and nose only thru the hole. It was hot. Cant see or hear. Panick! Couldnt breathe. I called a halt. Ann poked her head into the bag and said "this isnt a competition, ya know!" The woman doing the demo told me "if you're having issues already, you dont want to do this." I didnt do it. My first refusal. It is great to discover these limits in myself, and to be a part of a scene of people pushing themselves to the limits of adventure. To do it all as the "boy" to a sexy mistress and woman I love is the best part.
Heather and I remain best friends. We tell each other "I love you" every day, and mean it, but she does her thing (World of Warcraft) and I go off and do mine. We support each other financially and emotionally, and do our own separate things. Because of this I can stay out all weekend with Ann, and come home Sunday night without any bad vibes. It is how we want it right now.
As old doors close, new doors open. This simply means that for energy to continue to live, it must transfer and re-route. It snakes out of a past into the present, and must continue forward into new channells that you open and direct to the best extent you are able. No walling it up or stopping it, unless it is to sink into a well. My new doors are almost always in front of me, so much so I see them a few years before I actually reach them.
I have finished my novel "Challenge the Yumocha" and am actively seeking an agent and / or publisher. I collect my many rejections as badges of honor (signs that I am doing the work)
How are you?
posted by werbinox at 9:06 PM
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